Local politicians share how to have civil conversations, despite differences

Nearly 100 residents attended Monday night’s Edmonds Civic Roundtable event to respectfully discuss two weighty and fraught topics facing our community and nation: What is the root cause of our polarization and how do we overcome it?

Snohomish County Councilmembers Nate Nehring (a Republican) and Jared Mead (a Democrat), representing both the Gen Z and Millenial cohorts and with eight children between them, said it’s not only possible, it’s imperative.

“What are we handing the next generation? Young people will inherit the crap we’ve created,” Mead said. He and Nehring decided they were the ones to start changing the actual dialogue, find a better way to have these hard conversations and create a roadmap for the next — and current — generation. “It was Nate’s idea,” Mead said.

Their nonprofit, Building Bridges, is “committed to bridging the gaps of political and ideological divide.” It includes programs, toolkits and proof that it’s working.

Origin story 

Born out of the Jan. 6, 2021 U.S. Capitol attacks, these political opposites – with a deep and respectful personal friendship – leaned into their valued relationship and family ties to find a way to talk about hard things and find common ground. They talked about Jan. 6, abortion, their respective media choices and more.

But it was the joint opinion piece in the Everett Herald about Jan. 6 that got everyone fired up. 

They faced pressure from their respective parties to stay in their political corners.

“It’s the stakeholder groups… not individual voters and community members… and the money. They threaten to primary you,” Mead said of both parties. Nehring agreed.

At the same time, local organizations like Rotary and local teachers reached out and asked them to speak on the new collaborative approach to finding common ground on important civic issues. They said yes to every opportunity. 

Their commitment to civil discourse grew stronger. That’s when they knew finding common ground was right. The path has been clear. 

Tapping into support from similar organizations — the University of Washington’s Civic Health Initiative and Braver Angels — they built the roadmap, showed up at local schools to model and practice with students, and created an ongoing curriculum for teachers or local clubs to use. Their current program, the Future Leaders Academy, began in 2023 at Jackson High School and is now running at Marysville Getchell High School.

The program focuses on the next generation. It teaches hands-on civics, provides problems to solve, encourages, supports and models dialogue and ends with a trip to Olympia to see state government in action. Young students haven’t really made up their minds yet, Mead said.

The program involves “getting into the high schools, getting to talk with students who are just naturally so much more curious and willing to have open discussions and think about ideas critically,” Mead said. “They have to ask themselves if this is what they believe or do they just believe it because their parents do or a social platform tells them they have to.”

“This is just as important as policy work,” Nehring said. 

State lawmakers in Olympia have taken notice. In 2023, leadership in Olympia used Mead and Nehring’s collaborative and informed template to address the Blake decision, the urgent and partisan legislation surrounding criminal drug possession, to get to consensus hours before a critical deadline.

Audience reaction

The Edmonds Civic Roundtable audience — a mix of residents and local government and business leaders – came prepared to engage. In breakout sessions organized by table, everyone shared their thoughts on the ice breaker questions. Among them:

What is the root cause of our polarization? 

Answers included: Family background, religion, news bubbles. “It’s hard to tell what is true and what is fake,” one woman said. Participants Vince and Janet said people don’t read newspapers anymore and choose media that reinforces their beliefs. 

Melinda said her mother taught her to “put herself in other peoples’ shoes. Some people are working two or three jobs and don’t have the same life experience as a tech worker with one job.” She said income inequality leads to different news sources.

How do we overcome it? 

“More information,” said Chris, a participant. “Talking to each other. We have to hear and listen.”

“No one is right about everything,” added Steve, another participant. Folks at this table talked about the value of point/counterpoint to show different perspectives. Another resident shared the value of debate in schools to lay out clear, calm arguments, adding: “They have a voice. They don’t have to yell or swear or intimidate.” 

“Debate the side you aren’t on!” shouted someone across the room. 

Another woman, Nicole, said people aren’t joining organizations anymore. Organizations build trust and community. 

Tool kit

Mead and Nehring have a starting point. They believe conversations can be better and they shared their tools. Be kind. Be humble. Be curious. Be courageous. Ask questions. 

• Assume good intent: Assume others want positive outcomes. This reduces defensiveness and opens doors to understanding. 
• Seek common ground: Look for shared values, goals and experiences before focusing on differences. 
• Be willing to be wrong: Follow the evidence and facts. Have humility. Be ready to reconsider your views when presented with new evidence or perspectives. This fosters greater learning and growth. 
• Have the courage to hold your own “side” accountable: Call out flaws or misinformation rather than excusing it. 
• Disagree without being disagreeable: Be respectful and don’t call people names. 

Conclusion

“I think one of the things that we came to learn pretty quickly is those really loud voices that just want to have no association between Democrats and Republicans and no working together, are such a minority on both sides,” Nehring said. “There’s very few people on the far left and on the far right that want to see no collaboration at all. And by and large, the vast majority of people in the middle want to see their elected officials, but just in general, want to see people work together, find common ground and get along.”

Mead talked about a recent poll that shows only 14% of the population defines themselves as hard right or hard left. That leaves 86% who could be willing to have these conversations. It seems many of them were at the Edmonds Waterfront Center Monday night.